I do love Garrison Keillor. The man is a wingnut after my own heart. His latest piece over at Salon is rife with hilarity and just outright batshit craziness.
Which is why I love Garrison..he is nucking futs.
The Big Dick Cheney™ is just shooting from his tired, old, decrepit hip. He is desperate and he is cranky at the thought of being tried for selling torture. That he keeps finding idiots that give him a soapbox to stand on simply amazes the fuck outta me.
How come someone doesn't pull that damn box out from under his extremist ass? Let him land hard and possibly break that hip..then he would have something to take care of..his own self, and perhaps he would then go gently into the good night.
Or not. As long as Faux Noise is owned and operated by Murdoch the Magnificent..The Big Dick will always have a place to spew his fuckery and outrageous bullshittery. Now, a small slice of recent Keillor for your edification:
Only one out of five Americans is willing to describe himself or herself as a Republican these days, and frankly I am tempted to become one of them. For the variety, and because they need me and because when I heard former Vice President Cheney talk about the meaning of Republicanism the other day -- "We are what we are," he said -- I felt drawn to the simplicity and dignity of that. And I have never been a Republican, just as I've never been to South America, and that makes it tempting.
I went to a party the other day and heard the word "torture" and said that I didn't think we should prosecute the Bush lawyers who wrote those torture memos, and people jumped all over me like I was an escaped Nazi, so as long as I was persona non grata, I said some more stuff -- that America would be a better country if we took the vote away from people over 65 because they are selfish and greedy and the future of America is its young. People about dropped their drinks. And then I said that cat ownership is a sign of emotional immaturity and a good predictor of a tendency toward violent crime. I saw lifelong friends turn away in disgust. And you know something? I Don't Care. It felt good.
Liquor wasn't the cause. Crankiness was. And crankiness is the birthright of Republicans.
As Mr. Cheney said, "We are what we are. We're Republicans. We have certain things we believe in. And maintaining our loyalty and commitment to those principles is vital to our success." A good thing to say, and many a president of the Elks, the Odd Fellows, the Moose, the Knights of Pythias, and the Ancient and Mystic Order of Hoot Owls has said something similar: We will not bend our principles so as to please people we didn't like in the first place.
The real problem, as I see it, is that American's are getting their collective panties in a wad over whatever the hell The Big Dick Cheney™ spews on a weekly or semi-weekly basis. Dick is like your batshit crazy uncle at the family reunion. Everyone is sickened by what he says, but no one will tell the old bastard to shut the fuck up. Everyone just rolls their eyes at Uncle Crazy and tries hard to ignore him..as his voice gets louder and more shrill.
We, the universal we, need to ignore The Big Dick, or just make fun of him like it's a fucking contest. The media evidently has nothing important to report lately as those are the assholes that keep tossing The Big Dick and his crappola into the limelight. The responsible media, the few that are still out there, need to just let The Big Dick run his piehole in the vacuum known as Faux Noise, and let it alone. If Face the Nation can't find a fucking intelligent, sane individual for their Sunday morning...cough..news show, then they deserve to have their ratings plummet into the shithole basement of Neilsen.
Surely there is important news to feed us? Surely there is something timely and thought-provoking out there the idiots in the media can attach their broken down wagons to? If they don't have enough 'real' news to give us, then the bastards need to retire or close down the business. Dick's pov doesn't make it true, nor does it make it NEWS people in the media..you got that??
Because Garrison Keillor doesn't write enough columns to fill the void of humorous or thought-provoking OpEd's. I do love Eugene Robinson's take on the Big Dick, but there aren't enough Pulitzer Prize-winning writers out there willing to take on the tirades of our former Veep who evidently left his brain in the limo, along with his rifle and overcoat.
If you google The Big Dick under the 'news' heading..you get pretty much nothing but American Media outlets..I don't find The Guardian wasting ink or space on Cheney..just the idiots in our media.
So when the next rightwing nutjob you know whines about that 'liberal bias' in the MSM, just point to the millions of lines of tripe being spewed by the likes of ABC, NBC, CBS, NYT, LAT, or any other media outlet that keeps hyping Cheney and his pov on the Obama administration and our..cough..security. Because sista, any media outlet that keeps giving Cheney space instead of telling us about the poverty and ignorance in Appalachia, the millions of humans displaced in Sudan, the legal raping of women in Muslim countries, the pollution that is coal sludge ponds or how GM's new move to dissolve hundreds of retail outlets will affect your town or burg...well, they just aren't worth the powder to blow them all to hell..along with The Big Dick Cheney™.
And we wonder why so many news organizations are closing up shop. Investigative journalism has taken a powder and in it's place..we get The Big Dick Cheney™ and his asinine musings. Cheney, after all, is the man who sold us the Iraq War people!
...and we all know how that shit has turned out, don't we?
Artwork filched from the wonderful Dark Black.
Crossposted at my group rant palace The Sirens Chronicles. Stop by and say hi..or piss off..something! ;)