I hate to whine..but hell... I am gonna let it rip.

I knew going in that having major back surgery was gonna take a while to heal and that I would not be able to do most things that normal folks take for granted.

But...for the love of friggin christ...its a whole different world and I am not dealing with this shit very well..if at all.

The Ball n' Chain is a wonderful man, but with limits..so the fact that he has to do basically every-fucking-thing is hard not on only him...but me..because I am one impatient bitch and I scream and holler a lot when it takes forever to do regular everyday things or he can't do them properly, if at all.

So, yes I am a horrible bitch to the man that is doing his best to keep our life as normal as possible..all by HIMSELF.

So, I hate myself for being a mean nasty cunt to him. I hate myself for not being able to help him and I hate myself for just sitting around bitching and hollering about everything and anything in my personal life and our ongoing feline rescue.

But then..I see pictures and video of Joplin MO and I shut the fuck up and thank Buddha that all I have to deal with is a hosed up fucking back and have the patience level of a Diva who is used to getting everything she wants and suddenly she gets nothing she wants.

I just wanna cry all the time. So I take a couple pills and sleep a lot..is that bad? Cuz I don't know how the hell else to deal with this huge-ass change in my life and his life all our cat's lives..both the inside and the outside critters who depend on us..wait..depend on HIM to take care of them.

He is such a good man and he tries so hard. Why am I such a cunt w/eyes? Sure, I am in pain all the damn time but that ain't no excuse. 

So yesterday, I did a shitload of things that I never should of done but I knew he wouldn't have the time or the ability to do them. I am paying dearly for that streak of stubbornness..lemme tell ya.

I am so damn doped up today, trying to mange the pain.. it's pathetic. I am also afraid to go to the can because I might fall and hose up all the work done to my back. The Ball n' Chain says I am slurring my words like I am drunk off my ass..and I talk really friggin slow.

At least I ain't bitching at him. I am giving him hugs and thanking him for all that he does and for putting up w/me.

I am just so tired of this whole healing process..and evidently Buddha ISN"T going to give me more patience..so..it sucks to be me..or be around me..that last part is probably worse.

Just keep those poor folks in Joplin, MO in your hearts and minds..they did not deserve the hell on earth they got..but of course its just mother nature, according to the R's and has nothing to do w/climate change. right...Worst damn tornado season ever on record this year.

And Joplin is 70 miles from my mother. My son in southern OK, thank Buddha, says the tornado's are going around where he lives..and for that I am so fucking glad and happy because he lives in a house without a friggin basement and no one close by to run to if a tornado shows up. Mom on the other hand lives on the third story of a senior complex and is walking w/a walker and of course her botle of oxygen since she refuses to quit smoking cigs. Even though she just got out of a month at the hospital and NEVER HAD A DAMN CIG that whole time.

OK, I promise..next bitchfest will be our regularly scheduled political one. I can't bare my soul publicly very often or I would stick the handgun in my piehole and pull the friggin trigger. But then..the poor Ball n' Chain would have to clean up the damn mess.

At least I ain't Harold Camping..who is now exposed for what he is..and I don't have to tell you what he is..you know it.

It stopped...but for how long?

I ain't buying BP's newest bs that they stopped the leak. First off, if the pipe under the ocean floor now explodes, the Gulf of Mexico will become another Dead Sea.

Second, their stock prices went up at least 7% today, and frankly...that is all they give a shit about...who is kidding who here?

Third...the corporate media is covering BP's ass to the hilt...which is why they aren't talking about the possibility of the BP pipeline under the ocean floor now taking a huge shit. No need to worry the common folks...or as BP likes to refer to us...the little people.

Fourth...the wetlands, the people who live there and the 10,000 birds that are dying off the coast of Louisiana, not to mention my friend RJS's post on the toxic dispersants permanent effects on all living things...  What-the-fuck will BP do to 'make them whole' again? Yeah right...

Enough on BP and their victory..The Obama/Dodd/ Frank Financial Reform bill has passed..whoopee-fuck. That watered down horseshit won't change most of the casino-style bullshit the Wall Streeter's pulled to get us into this mess. From Dean Baker's statement, someone I usually listen to on financial shit:

"The final bill passed by the Senate today and already approved by the House of Representatives will improve regulation in the financial sector. However, given the severity of the economic crisis caused by past regulatory failures, the public had the right to expect much more extensive reform.(emphasis mine)

"The requirement that most derivatives be either exchange-traded or passed through clearinghouses is also an important improvement in regulation. However, important exceptions remain, which the industry will no doubt exploit to their limit.

"The creation of resolution authority for large non-bank financial institutions is also a positive step, although the fact that no pre-funding mechanism was put in place is a serious problem. Also, the audit of the Federal Reserve's special lending facilities, as well as the ongoing audits of its open market operations and discount window loans, is a big step towards increased Fed openness.

"On the negative side, there is little in this legislation that will fundamentally change the way that Wall Street does business. The rules on derivative trading will still allow the bulk of derivatives to be traded directly out of banks rather than separately capitalized divisions of the holding company. The Volcker rule was substantially weakened by a provision that will still allow banks to risk substantial sums in proprietary trading.

"More importantly, there is probably no economist who believes that this bill will end the risks of too-big-to-fail financial institutions. The six largest banks will still enjoy the enormous implicit subsidy that results from the expectation that the federal government will bail them out in the event of a crisis.

"Also, the fact that no regulators, most obviously Ben Bernanke at the Fed, were fired for failing to prevent the crisis leaves in place serious doubts about the structure of incentives for regulators. Cracking down on reckless behavior by politically powerful financial institutions will always be difficult for regulators. On the other hand, if regulators know that failing to crack down carries no consequences, even when it leads to disastrous outcomes, we can expect that regulators will have a strong bias toward ignoring reckless behavior.

Yes, we had every right to expect more from those fuckers..so don't expect me to get giddy over this horseshit ok boys?

On the homefront...yuppie sista is going crazy with Dad at her house...welcome to my world for the last two months chica. She is still giving me orders although we did have a huge come to jesus-type headbutting yesterday...and I came out on top. But, all in all...it's still a fucking mess. I am talking to the Escondido Director of the Humane Society (Her name withheld by me since it took me forever to work my way up to her level) in an effort to figure out what the fuck to do with Dad's wonderful grey cat that is still in that fucked up complex with a fucking money-grubbing whackjob hopefully feeding him.

Hugs to all that read my bs...fuck the rest of ya. ;)