I knew going in that having major back surgery was gonna take a while to heal and that I would not be able to do most things that normal folks take for granted.
But...for the love of friggin christ...its a whole different world and I am not dealing with this shit very well..if at all.
The Ball n' Chain is a wonderful man, but with limits..so the fact that he has to do basically every-fucking-thing is hard not on only him...but me..because I am one impatient bitch and I scream and holler a lot when it takes forever to do regular everyday things or he can't do them properly, if at all.
So, yes I am a horrible bitch to the man that is doing his best to keep our life as normal as possible..all by HIMSELF.
So, I hate myself for being a mean nasty cunt to him. I hate myself for not being able to help him and I hate myself for just sitting around bitching and hollering about everything and anything in my personal life and our ongoing feline rescue.
But then..I see pictures and video of Joplin MO and I shut the fuck up and thank Buddha that all I have to deal with is a hosed up fucking back and have the patience level of a Diva who is used to getting everything she wants and suddenly she gets nothing she wants.
I just wanna cry all the time. So I take a couple pills and sleep a lot..is that bad? Cuz I don't know how the hell else to deal with this huge-ass change in my life and his life all our cat's lives..both the inside and the outside critters who depend on us..wait..depend on HIM to take care of them.
He is such a good man and he tries so hard. Why am I such a cunt w/eyes? Sure, I am in pain all the damn time but that ain't no excuse.
So yesterday, I did a shitload of things that I never should of done but I knew he wouldn't have the time or the ability to do them. I am paying dearly for that streak of stubbornness..lemme tell ya.
I am so damn doped up today, trying to mange the pain.. it's pathetic. I am also afraid to go to the can because I might fall and hose up all the work done to my back. The Ball n' Chain says I am slurring my words like I am drunk off my ass..and I talk really friggin slow.
At least I ain't bitching at him. I am giving him hugs and thanking him for all that he does and for putting up w/me.
I am just so tired of this whole healing process..and evidently Buddha ISN"T going to give me more patience..so..it sucks to be me..or be around me..that last part is probably worse.
Just keep those poor folks in Joplin, MO in your hearts and minds..they did not deserve the hell on earth they got..but of course its just mother nature, according to the R's and has nothing to do w/climate change. right...Worst damn tornado season ever on record this year.
And Joplin is 70 miles from my mother. My son in southern OK, thank Buddha, says the tornado's are going around where he lives..and for that I am so fucking glad and happy because he lives in a house without a friggin basement and no one close by to run to if a tornado shows up. Mom on the other hand lives on the third story of a senior complex and is walking w/a walker and of course her botle of oxygen since she refuses to quit smoking cigs. Even though she just got out of a month at the hospital and NEVER HAD A DAMN CIG that whole time.
OK, I promise..next bitchfest will be our regularly scheduled political one. I can't bare my soul publicly very often or I would stick the handgun in my piehole and pull the friggin trigger. But then..the poor Ball n' Chain would have to clean up the damn mess.
At least I ain't Harold Camping..who is now exposed for what he is..and I don't have to tell you what he is..you know it.